For months I’ve thought about this post. I feared it. I thought about how incomprehensibly painful it would be. I wondered if I would actually have the guts to do it. I’m deciding to do it although it might be too soon. I want to share with you all where I am right now. Today. October 30th. Exactly one week after I buried my sister.
About three and half years ago, my sister saw our local doctor about a cough. She had bad allergies. This wasn’t odd or unusual. The meds our doctor prescribed didn’t seem to help and the cough continued to get worse. It drove my sister nuts. She coughed and attempted to clear her throat constantly. She described it as a tickle in her throat. After several attempts of trying to control it with meds that didn’t work, her doctor referred her to a pulmonologist. She went through several tests and biopsies that all came back inconclusive. After about three months from her first doctor appointment she was told what we were all fearing. She had cancer.
Over the next few weeks Holly underwent several more tests. I went with her for her first oncology appointment. Being the emotional being that I am, I broke down. Holly jokingly threatened me that if I couldn’t keep it together she wouldn’t allow me to come back. We were told that Hodgkins Lymphoma is “cureable.” That “if your gonna have cancer, you want Hodgkins Lymphoma.” The oncologist even stated he had never had a relapse of Hodgkins Lymphoma. We all still hated that my sister had this nasty disease, but we were put at ease with the high success rates.
On May 7thwe received the news that they found a match for her.
On September 6th, I took Holly to her appointment in Houston. Her doctor informed us that he did not feel Holly was strong enough to continue with her current chemo regimen. He suggested we try a new med. This med was not typically prescribed for lymphoma. It hadn’t even made the “clinical trial” status. It basically was their last attempt to get her where she needed to be for another stem cell transplant. Her doctor said if it didn’t work, they would “focus on keeping her comfortable.” Those words took my breath away. I was a mess. Holly, still being my big sister, tried to reassure me everything was going to be ok.